Oh geez Mary!

Now you want to take the fun outta Christmas. Seriously? Most of us already have what we NEED. What we do not need are cheap bath & body gift packs. I have no idea where these weird manufacturers come from. I only see these brands at Christmas and I never see them during the rest of the year; maybe at the Dollar Store or Big Lots of Junk.When I get one I feel obligated to keep it until the dust is so thick on the box I can no longer identify it and the the scent fades which isn’t necessarily a bad thing. Who really wants those mammoth glittery eye shadow kits? Did you know eye shadow is made from Mica which is the same thing used in cement and insulation? I digress.

This week I noticed tables of boxed handkerchiefs in the men’s section at Kohl’s .  They still sell ’em but who uses them? I’m sorry (sort of) but I remember getting four adorable Pokey Little Puppy handkerchiefs in a cute box with a sweet ribbon for Christmas (probably from a very well-meaning Auntie) that eventually ended up scrunched up and well, pretty yucky. Kleenex makes a lotion infused tissue that’s easy on the nose and you can toss. I can hear the arguments supporting the environmental friendliness of hankies. I get that people with allergies can’t carry a Kleenex box with them at all times. If you do know that person why on earth would you give them a snot rag for Christmas especially when there are wallets, socks and shoe horns available for the special guy in your life?

Consumerism is a social disease! We are destroying out planet by purchasing disposable  presents like that novelty plastic fish that sings. I still have that a hip grooving Santa that I refuse to buy batteries for.  Spare me the huge plastic guitar full of stale popcorn. I don’t have a big need for  baskets with cheese, sausages and crackers so well preserved we can re-gift them next year? I really don’t want anything supposedly edible that has a shelf-life longer than my own. I’m suspect of any food gift that boasts “No artifecal ingredients; in fact, please skip giving me anything in a basket; I’m pretty happy with the collection of wicker baskets I’ll never use.

Don’t spend your money on anything from Chia or anything from the “As Seen on TV section.”for that matter. Finally, about that mini cast iron Christmas tree with a chocolate chip cookie mix I got last year; thank you very much (and you know who you are) I’m trying to figure out how to reuse it. I could sit by the oven for 30 hours making 3 dozen cookies one at a time. That’s probably not a good plan since I burned the single damn cookie last year and all I had to do was add water to the mix  and throw it in the oven.

If we can’t think of something useful or biodegradable we probably shouldn’t buy it and moreover you wouldn’t want it either. I’ll used to say I’d take anything from Trader Joe’s but my relationship with Joe is over and this is why https://www.eater.com/2017/8/9/16099028/trader-joes-products  I confess that I do have one exception. The Speculoos cookie butter.  It’s a fattening sugary jar of empty calories but it’s heavenly.

A few decades ago, someone shared the ideal Christmas gift exchange. Tell your friends and family there will be no presents this year. Tell them to bring $100 to the party. Everyone pulls out that Benjamin Franklin and passes it on; saying Merry Christmas! Happy Holidays! Hope you can use this! After this exchange, everyone ends up with a valuable gift and no one feels guilty about leaving a footprint as big as that obnoxious blow up Santa Claus in the neighbor’s front yard. (Sorry!)

“Bake them a cake, write them a poem, give them a kiss, tell them a joke, but for God’s sake stop trashing the planet to tell someone you care. All it shows is that you don’t” George Monbiot

I did buy myself a present. I ordered some beautiful earrings on Amazon, but  did they have  to come in a huge cardboard box from with an exaggerated amount of brown paper? I almost threw them out.

I’m sad I don’t feel the magic of Christmas anymore. It seems stranger and stranger to me each year. Reindeer will soon be usurped by drones. It’ll make more sense to Face time Santa than stand in line at the mall.

I do wish you and yours a memorable time together with great food and conversations.

Happy Holidaze!

P.S. We always like a good Malbec or Merlot so feel free to pick up one but please skip the embellished wine bag.



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